Sihai Park
Last Sunday, March 12th after my last post, I visited Sihai Park for a stroll. It is a pretty park. Seems like a nice place for a picnic.
Work Week
My work week was pretty good. I had a notable experience at the gym when I stepped on the scale and it read 157. When I realized it was set to pounds instead of kilos I switched it back to kilos and it read 78kilos. For those who know how to convert kilos to pounds they will probably already know what is wrong with this. Seventy-eight kilos does not equal 157 pounds. I am now convinced that scale at the gym is malfunctional. According to the kilo setting I am very overweight but according to the pound setting I am within an acceptable range. Maybe the gym has the scale calibrated high to keep people motivated by shame. I have not made them aware of this discrepancy but from now on I am switching the setting to pounds before I step on the scale. I think the pound setting is more accurate because it seems pretty unlikely that I gained 10.9kilos (24 lbs) since moving here and there is no way I am still 78kilos (171lbs) after weeks of working out and dieting. 157lbs is closer to my weight before moving here and makes a lot more sense. I am gonna keep working out, dieting, and hoping that the scale drops a bit but am not as worried about my weight anymore.
Green Dress Run
Saturday, the 18th, was the long awaited first annual Shekou H3 Green Dress Run. Laying trail was a bit rushed (I will get into that later) and many of the marks on the runner's split got erased by park cleaning crew. The run went well with everyone outfitted in green dresses. We raised 2365RMB from donations and 1600RMB from hash cash. I matched the donated funds with my own donation bringing the total to 6330RMB. I transferred 4730RMB (688USD) to ahbap.org to support the Turkish earthquake relief effort. I will transfer the rest later.
184 of these, each representing 5usd contributed, are dedicated to the Shekou H3.
Relationship Drama
Faye and I had a fight this weekend and it extended into Monday night. While we kept things civil and did not shout at each other or hurl insults it was still a difficult conversation to have. The reason laying trail was so rushed was because she was late for our 9am meeting time. We had initially discussed meeting even earlier but she pushed for later and Anna and I conceded and agreed to 9 at the latest. She was 10-15 minutes late. I shared my feelings that I did not feel she respected my time. She has never been on time when we have plans together. She has argued that she has never ruined our plans as a result of her lateness. She also expressed that she is late because she does not get enough rest during the week and because she lives a little over an hour away with a train transfer. When I expressed that I was concerned that she would be late for our scheduled trip to Hong Kong/Macau and that I would leave without her if she was late, she got upset. I had some bottled up frustration over her timeliness, and also was getting frustrated about other things which I won't air out here, so I got snippy with her on Sunday over cleaning up after I cooked.
Yesterday she expressed she did not appreciate my response to her not cleaning up after I cooked. My frustration poured out in a text rant which I regret. She came over last night and we talked for a couple hours about things. I am summarizing here so am not recounting the conversation verbatim. I expressed I don't feel respected or appreciated or that she was contributing equally toward the relationship for various reasons. She expressed she feels judged, controlled, and criticized. I almost made the mistake of pushing her away. I came to realize I made a mistake when she asked me why I thought she came over and I understood it was because she wanted to talk about things out of respect and appreciation for me. We cried together, I shared my vulnerabilities and insecurities, and she stayed the night because by the time we stopped talking it was too late for her to go home.
Today I feel awful for being angry about the petty things I complained about and having overly high expectations for her. There are three big things that really bother me and they got overshadowed by a bunch of small things, that I also mentioned, but they really don't matter. I told her those three things were timeliness, cleaning up after herself when she is a guest at my place, and inviting me to her apartment once in a while. I also committed to being less judgmental and generally more patient.
Relationships take work, and arguments happen, but I have not heard from her since she left my apartment this morning. I have come to accept that things might not work. I want them to, I really do, and I want to give us a chance to grow together from this experience. If we grow apart then this won't work. She expressed we have not had many deep and meaningful conversations, so today I told her everything I appreciate about her and sent her some quizzes about attachment style, personality, and love language. Now I wait for her to answer me and try to avoid being overbearing and needy. My hope is that we can use these assessments as a starting point to have those deep conversations. My hope is that we grow together and not apart. Hope is scary sometimes.
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