A difficult trip to Koh Larn

The Dragon Boat Festival this past weekend meant I had a three day weekend to travel.  Faye and I decided to go to Thailand.  We planned to stay a night in Pattaya and then two nights on an island just off of coast called Koh Larn.  This is the same island we went to for New Years.  

The weather was beautiful.  Shenzhen is experiencing prolonged periods of rain so it was nice to get a break from this. 

Despite the lovely weather and the idyllic setting something about Faye and I interacting manifested unnecessary drama.  

The first hotel was bad.  There were stains on the sheets, no nightstands, and the service was poor.  It is really difficult to find a nice hotel in Pattaya.  We did not sleep well that night but at least we slept.  I was uncomfortable and so was Faye. 

The next day we woke up early and left our bags with the front desk while we went to visit a bookstore.  We took some photos by the sea.  All was still peaceful.

I called a ride on Grab but for some reason they brought us to a location that was 13 minutes in the wrong direction.  We took this in stride though and decided to walk to Canterbury Tales Bookstore.  Faye wanted to go here.  Unfortunately we were in a bit of hurry and she did not get to browse the entire store like she wanted to.  I bought three books she got one, which she bought on my suggestion.  I had to rush her out the door or else we would not be able to take a direct ferry to the pier closest to our hotel.  

We took a taxi back to our hotel, asked the driver to wait for us, and grabbed our bags before heading to Bali Hai Pier to take the boat to Koh Larn.  We took a speedboat to Koh Larn and because we took too long at the bookstore we had to take the boat to Ba Naan Pier instead of Tawaen Pier.  This meant that we would not be able to walk to our hotel as planned. On the way to the pier the drama began.  Faye made the decision to drink coffee in a moving vehicle and spilled it on her white shirt.  She took this out on me for some reason and acted as though I was supposed to jump to attention to help her when I didn't even realize what she was flipping out about.  I got upset with her about this.  She still has not apologized.  I was frustrated enough to start giving her the cold shoulder. 

Once we arrived on the island we had some difficulty finding a ride so we called the hotel and they sent a vehicle to pick us up.  Our hotel, Tawaen Caza Sky Camping on Koh Larn, was nice.  At least I liked it.  It was technically a rooftop glamping experience.  There was a tent under an A-frame shelter with a porch.  The tent had AC.  There were some stone picnic tables on the rooftop.

We left our bags in the tent and went for a walk.  

It was toward the end of our walk down the beach that more drama ensued.  A group of 7-8 wild dogs approached us aggressively barking in a territorial display.  Faye cowered and nearly turned and ran but I made myself big and got loud and scared the dogs away.  Faye got a minor, paper-cut sized, scrape on her hand when she fell over but was otherwise unhurt.  Her first reaction was to accuse me of "scaring her" with my response to the dogs.  Instead of thanking me for saving her from a pack of wild dogs, of which she was afraid, she accused me of scaring her.  She stormed off in a huff.  I was pissed.  My adrenaline was high as I pursued her.  When we were in a safer space I grabbed a rum and coke and a shot of vodka, the latter of which I used to help clean her cut.  She managed to convince me to sit and eat dinner.  I was not very hungry but we ordered a bunch of food and watched a fire show by the beach.  It was a pleasant distraction from the anger I felt building since the ride to the pier. 

Faye did not like our hotel, she disliked the shared bathroom situation and complained that the tent was too small and that I kept her awake by moving around too much.  Neither of us slept very well that night.  For me I was so angry and upset that I could not sleep.  I ended up killing time outside the tent just trying to relax.  For her, she was too uncomfortable and I kept waking her up.  

The next morning, after each of us maybe getting 3 hours of sleep in total, I got breakfast and then got some for her.  Then we got into a heated argument.  Really, it wasn't an argument so much as it was me explaining how her actions and words made me feel, and her refusing to acknowledge that she hurt my feelings and needed to apologize.  She refused to see how her constant complaining about the hotels was wearing on my nerves.  She addressed that she felt insecure because I was being cold toward her without realizing that my cold demeanor was linked to how she reacted to the hotels, coffee, and dog attack. She could not understand how shifting blame to me when she spilled coffee on her own shirt would piss me off.  She could not comprehend that blaming me for scaring her when I defended her from a pack of stray dogs would upset me.  

She spent the morning crying.  She suggested finding another hotel.  I initially suggested she find a new hotel on her own.  I even offered to pay for her to stay somewhere else.  She said that if she is going to go to a separate hotel without me then we might as well end the relationship.  I seriously considered this suggestion.  I needed space from her.  I needed her to apologize.  She at least acknowledged that the coffee spilling on her shirt was not my fault but she did not say sorry.  She did not thank me for saving her from the dogs or apologize for shifting the blame onto me for scaring her when she was already frightened of the dogs.  She expressed that she needed comfort.  I explained I was not inclined to comfort those who shift blame to me for things for which I am not responsible. 

Eventually I held her close and told her that I was afraid she would be hurt by the dogs.  That is why I protected her from them after all.  

I ultimately decided to transfer to a new hotel with her.  First we needed to stop at an ATM to withdrawal cash so I could afford the alternative accommodation. There were only two ATMs on the island and one of them didn't work.  The driver took us to one that did and I managed to withdrawal some cash and we went to our next hotel.  The Rimtalay Resort cost me $4900 Thai Baht (134USD) for one night.   This was 2.4 times the cost of the previous hotel.  I was not happy that my careful planning and budgeting meant nothing.  Changing hotels was not part of the plan.  Our plans for that day were completely ruined at this point due to all the shenanigans of the last 24 hours.  

We got to the new hotel between 2 and 3 in the afternoon. Fortunately the hotel provided a motorbike for us to use.  We originally planned to visit every beach on the island and a few other landmarks but with the time we had at this point we were only able to visit Tai Ya beach (which he had gone to last time) for dinner and then went to Tien Beach to relax and swim.  

Then we both hung out on the hotel grounds and talked some more.  Faye apologized for being difficult earlier but still did not specifically apologize for the behaviors that resulted in my feelings being hurt.  However she did listen to me and came to understand that I am less inclined to offer comfort to someone who shifts blame onto me for things for which I bear no responsibility.  I also shared that I do not feel appreciated for all that I do for her, included but not limited to saving her ass from wild dogs, and I need her actions and demeanor to reflect that appreciation.  She explained that she needed time to calm down and reflect and that now we were in this new hotel she was able to calmly work through this.  I expressed my concern that she wants to go camping and backpacking but she can't even handle a shared bathroom in a glamp site.  How is she going to handle roughing it if she can't handle a glamp site? How will she handle being out in the wild? She did not think it was a fair test.  I disagreed.  I have my concerns about our future trips.  Her behavior has me uncertain that I want to travel with her this summer. 

I took these photos the next day.

She still hasn't apologized for the things I need her to apologize for.  I am considering that we need space to re-evaluate this relationship. It is not that I want the relationship to end, I just want to feel valued, respected, and appreciated.  I am returning to the states for a month over the summer so that will be plenty of time and space to think.  I hope to do some traveling around China and maybe go to Mongolia after that but I am not sure if I want her to join.  A big part of her insecurity stems from a lack self-worth and confidence.  I hope she can cultivate that value over the summer while I am away. 

I spoke to her today to explain as much.  I explained that I felt that that she could really benefit from pursuing her academic interests over the summer. I expressed that she may see the most benefit for her long term wellbeing if she spent the summer researching online programs and perhaps registering for some online courses as she had been talking about for some time.  She really didn't seem that interested in going to Mongolia anyway, and starting an online degree program has been one of her goals for a long time. 

I also explained that I think we could both benefit from the extra space and that it would give us both an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves before we reconnect with each other and bring back more into the relationship.  She did not have much of a response for me today, but I hope that she understands and is not upset by my decision not to include her on this trip.  Relationships are multifaceted so I hope I am approaching this from the right angle.